Perils of Process
Since I started writing I read voraciously about the “every day” writer. One who sits down at the paper or screen every day at the same time and writes for so many hours and, after that time, the writer sets themselves free for the day. Tennessee Williams was one of these writers. He faced his blank page every day and hated it sometimes and did it every morning. Or so he said. And his prolific output would bear this out.
Then there was me and my kind. Most of my writing happens in my head, in the churnings of my mind. It invents all the plots, the characters, sets up scenes and creates dialogue, designs the sets and sees the stage lighting. Without a single word written on paper. Like the trees vs forest argument, are you a writer if you have no words to be read or spoken?
Unfortunately, all that good stuff never shows up on any page and therefore cannot be communicated to any actors who may want to become those characters and say those lines. Can one be a writer without actually having written things to show for it? In one sense, no. I would feel like an imposter. And that created anxiety and self-defeating internal monologues.
After beating myself up mentally for a while, the internal pressure would build because of course I wanted to write these things down. That is the passion bubbling up: to write! So when the pressure built to a certain degree, I would start a binge – writing all day and night, and sometimes into a new morning – getting as much down on paper as I could because who knew when the binge would surface again?.
I call that, as many do, being a “binge writer.”
For the last year I have been putting building blocks in place to change these binge behaviors into something that looks a little bit more like a regular process. And though it’s still somewhat chaotic, I feel like I have established something that works for me. How do I know? Because I’ve written more words on screen/paper in one year than I wrote in the 10 years previously. And by doing some things to create a process, I feel more like a writer and not an imposter, and I’m able to say, yes I am a playwright and writer.
What have I changed about my behavior of writing?
- Make appointments to write – not just a calendar, actually set up times with other writers where you can share a space and write silently together. You’re all in it together for that amount of time. Do it on Zoom or in person. Schedule these times in advance so you know your writing times a week ahead. It works.
- Just write whatever is in your head starting with, “I sat down at x o’clock . . .” and do it as stream of consciousness and see where it takes you. If it’s not taking you anywhere, write that down, too. Turn to a character what does the character say in that moment?
- Say I want statements about your writing – not I should statements. So “I should work on that scene..” becomes “I want to work on that scene.” and the mind frame changes.
- Get an accountability partner who will text you the day before a deadline and ask, how’s it going?
Combined these things have made a process for myself. I feel more secure with the writing appointments – because I know I have a time set aside on Wednesday evening to do x, y, or z. So if I do not write on Tuesday, I don’t beat myself up because I know I have a time on Wednesday set aside. I give myself permission to take a day off.
Of course I may still binge, I don’t think I’ve cured myself of that, but I recognize it as something I do use in my process. And it is a process. Creativity has no template. Yours will be the way it is because it is yours.